Narcissistic women are not always obvious. They can appear fragile, charming, insecure and even selfless. The vulnerable or covert subtype is a less studied type of narcissism that presents with hypersensitivity, defensiveness and even shyness.
But how are male narcissists different from females? For starters, there are way more narcissistic men than women. For that reason, when people talk about narcissism, they usually reference men. However, female narcissists do exist. They may display the same behaviors and attitude as their male counterparts, or they may present a more subtle, discreet, covert persona.
This is because every child goes through the socialization process that instills gender roles in them. For example, girls are socialized to surpress their aggresive or dominating impulses, while boys are thought to hide their vulnerability and project hypermasculinity. In our society, to be 'feminine' is to be sweet and agreeable, and to be 'masculine' is to be strong and brave.
For that reason, women typically don't exhibit transparent, aggresive narcissism. They cloak it in vulnerability, selflessness or victimhood. But at the heart of it, there's till a fervent need to project a certain image, gather sympathy and admiration, use lies and manipulation to get what they want. Narcissitic women are more likely to use covert, relation aggresion that causes psychological or social harm than direct agression.
A vulnerable female narcissist is a person who has a fragile sense of self-worth and self-esteem, but who also exhibits many of the typical traits associated with narcissism. This combination can make them a difficult person to deal with, as they are often very sensitive to criticism, but also have a tendency to put themselves above others.
One of the key traits of a vulnerable female narcissist is a constant need for attention and validation from others. They may demand praise and admiration for even the most minor accomplishments, and will often go to great lengths to seek out approval and admiration. For example, a vulnerable female narcissist may constantly post selfies on social media in order to receive likes and comments that boost their ego.
Another trait of a vulnerable female narcissist is a lack of empathy for others. They may be very focused on their own needs and desires, and may not take the time to consider how their actions or words affect those around them. For example, a vulnerable female narcissist may lash out at a friend who cancels plans with them, without considering that the friend may have had a valid reason for doing so.
“When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose.” ― Brené Brown
Vulnerable female narcissists may also have a tendency to idealize others, only to quickly become disillusioned and devalue them when their expectations are not met. They may be quick to criticize and judge others, and may struggle to maintain healthy relationships as a result. For example, a vulnerable female narcissist may put their romantic partner on a pedestal, only to quickly become disappointed when the partner fails to live up to their idealized image.
Another trait of a vulnerable female narcissist is a fear of rejection and abandonment. They may become very anxious when faced with the possibility of being rejected by others, and may go to great lengths to avoid this outcome. For example, a vulnerable female narcissist may stay in an unhealthy relationship because they fear being alone, or may constantly seek out new friends and acquaintances in order to avoid feeling isolated.
In summary, a vulnerable female narcissist is someone who combines a fragile sense of self-worth with many of the traits associated with narcissism. These individuals may exhibit a constant need for attention and validation, a lack of empathy for others, a tendency to idealize and then devalue others, and a fear of rejection and abandonment. Dealing with a vulnerable female narcissist can be challenging, and may require a great deal of patience, understanding, and boundary-setting.
